Summer Reign ‘23 - Chicago (writes)
It’s been a while since I was last in Chicago, but it’s good to be back. October 2020 was the last time I stepped into this city, personally living through a crisis you can only recognize in your late 20s. The truth though, we all were going through crises, both in solitude and collectively. I could barely think in that time of 2020, my mind more barren than (then) Millennium Park, which was gated off due to COVID. The emptiness of the city only compounded the emptiness that I felt then. My soul felt colder than the Chicago winter winds. Even in that season, looking back, I have a grateful heart when I think about Chicago. The few times I have been here have always been a welcoming gift. The first time, even in my loneliness, I was reminded how much I truly wasn’t alone. Gifted grace and welcome from a friend, with the name of a different city, Savannah held me in a much-needed time of crisis. It was fall, and after a few years in California, my thinning blood was not ready for the chilling winds and early snowfall of Chicago. 24 hours was all I needed, to feel the welcome of a city that although [was] so empty, is full of culture, Blackness, and love in such a way only the Midwest can show you.
In this new season, although wildly and truly different, I’m gifted with companionship once again. This time around, alongside my wife, my dearest brother Christian and his partner Devin hold us in the midst of our global travels. The fatigue from traveling has not yet settled in. Our summer travels have taken us from London to New York, now Chicago, with the Carolinas, New York (again), the South of England, and Bangkok, soon to be reached. The weariness will creep in soon enough, but not before we enjoy this touchdown stateside. This summer reign truly does feel different. The biting chill of Chicago has been gone for months and the smiles of the city have evaporated any concept of seasonal depression this city usually endures for six-plus months. This 2023 prescription of vitamin D has arrived right on time. It’s the selfishness and ego which makes me feel like the gods of summer keep granting us beautiful passage, as the perfect weather continues to follow us along our travels from London and New York City. The warmth of the sun is a Midwest welcome. There is a slight haze in the air, from the Canadian wildfires, which has followed us from New York as well. It’ll soon [momentarily] dissipate, granting us enough time for passage through this new city we’re briefly in.
Each part of our 2023 American tour has been exciting, but selfishly, this stop brings some special excitement. It’s nice to be greeted by family. I haven’t seen my brother and mother in almost a year, though that time frame isn’t unusual. Ever since I graduated college, and left home, I’ve moved all over the country, from Connecticut, New York, Los Angeles, and San Diego, usually leaving a few years in between visits back to the Carolinas. This feels different though, ever since we left for Singapore, being 9000 miles away from the communities and love we know and fully recognize. I’m excited to see my mother, my brother, and our growing family. My brother has blossomed in Chicago, becoming his own man in ways that the South wouldn’t have ever granted him. There is always a bit of the urge to be a “big brother”, but for the first time, truly, I am in his city. There is no guidance, or safeguard for me to give like times before. My brother is showing me his city, his culture, his spots, and a glance into his life. The visit, this peek into his life at this moment, is a beautiful reminder of his truth, his reality. For the first time, in many ways, I’m truly a tourist. Every time I feel I couldn’t be prouder of him, he gives me more reason to be proud of who he is and honored to be his brother. Sure, I’m always proud of his accomplishments in his ever-growing career, but to see where he is in his life, at this moment, gives me a great sense of pride. I feel humbled that he’s letting me be in these moments for a few days. He’s living in a way that seems full, aware, and confident in the ways he has always deserved. His apartment is more beautiful than any of the spaces I’ve lived in, with the Chicago skyline hugging the windows surrounding his apartment. I see pictures of us on his wall and I look at the little boy he used to be, finding it difficult to believe just how much time has passed.
My mother will be here soon. I love my mother dearly, and I know she’s very excited to see her two boys. My mother’s perspective is a growing curiosity to me, seeing her two Black boys, now men, wander the earth, living in ways we have been granted greatly because of her, and her sacrifices. There’s always a bit of angst in the air right when we see each other. She and my brother tend to mirror nervous energy, which usually reminds me just how much he is our mother’s son. I know some of those nerves surely come from my arrogance and domination of the space. My wife, who is a much better person than I am, reminds me who I am, calms me, and my brother, softens me in ways I can’t explain, allowing me to come down from the nerves I’m carrying. I keep thinking to myself to be on my best behavior but remind my ego this isn’t about me, so really, I need to relax. I see my mother, she seems happy, which makes me happy. That usual bit of tension that has to be broken between us doesn’t really feel like it’s even there. As the years continue to pass, it’s these moments together, that remind me a bit more about the three of us, my brother, mother, and myself…just how much we have lived and survived this life, together. It’s an obvious and early realization, this trip isn’t about me returning from Singapore, that time will come later. My mother and I are fellow passengers, for the first time in a city, solely guided by her youngest son, and his life.
The next few days, are beautiful. The energy of the city is palpable. My wife and I have thirsted for the Blackness Chicago grants us, which we dearly miss across the world. The weather is so perfect, it [once again] gives us the idea of moving back to the States, this time to Chicago. This idea is a delusional one, knowing we would never survive the winter, after living at the equator, and my own wishes of avoiding winter forever. A boat tour through the city teaches us the history of this beautiful space and offers an airy breeze from Lake Michigan. Before this week is over, rest will be had, but not before a birthday celebration of the Geminis who have collected together on this trip. These days, time with my brother always seems to be a bit too short. Those days together as children then seemed infinite. Enjoying these moments and the city, with my brother, are a gift. This trip has been life-giving in ways I’m still reflecting on even now. The Carolinas and more cities are next, but yet again, in a new season…I am grateful for Chicago, grateful for my brother, and the community they have gifted me.
